Jump

It makes you feel good.


Jumping from Wendy Antrosiglio on Vimeo.

Guilt

I've been at this mom thing a while now, seven months actually, yesterday was the first time I let the "mom guilt" get to me. It's not like I wasn't thinking about his first halloween, his inability to actually walk the neighborhood in search of sugary goodness, or even consume it. One tooth isn't going to get him very far into that reese cup and his orthodontist with thank me later. 

Last week the pumpkin bib at the dollar spot seemed just the right bit of festive for your first Halloween. This was all before I walked the Halloween Stroll, the very walk my mother often took my sister and I on each year to get our sugar highs off to a great start. The place was crawling with tots dressed as dragons and fairies and other creatures of the sort. The ones that waddle when they walk and suck the tails of their costumes as their adults shuffle them through the line collecting all the loot they can get their hands on... They are all so cute, even the ugly ones. There really are ugly children. 

That's when it hit me. How could I let my little boy have his first sugar filled holiday pass him up without a costume. It was like I was starving him, oh the neglect. I called my mom and cried... What in the hell has motherhood done to me. I'm getting soft and worse yet it's starting to show. 

And then, after a deep breath I came to my senses and well, got over it. 

1/2

Thursday was Joey's Half Birthday. It was a mama day which made it all the better. We spent the day running the roads, visiting Shay and Nora and Nana T. shopping for things we probably don't need and a trip to Bunny's for one last cone. He's so big. I want to spend every moment I can with him. John taught him to stick out his tongue he's pretty good at it. He licks my face. Wet sloppy kisses, sometimes his nose is cold. I can't get enough. He's napping more. I'm excited and disappointed. I have to leave him while he's sleeping. I hope he knows I'm coming back, I'll always come back. I can't help but daydream about who he will be in the next six months, as a ten-year-old boy, as he graduates college, marries and starts a family of his own. I hope he will always come back. 

Cows in our forest

Some mornings and even late some nights when we cuddle on the back porch as John smokes I can hear cows in the woods. The air is thick, the dew heavy and the light sparse. I can hear their deep voices calling from the trees. I often have thought the voices are those of the beef cattle calling at the farm up the road but Yesterday work lead me to a dairy farm on the next road over. Turns out when I'm also smelling aroma the singing ladies are probably to blame. 

Thursday John Joey and I spent the afternoon with my grandma. I love when she holds my baby. It reminds me of all time I spent in her lap in the rocking chair. She never had much lap but managed to hold me tight. My grandma can make anything better. A scraped knee, banana chiffon cake, even a broken heart. She always tells it how she sees it and never holds anything back. I hope someday I can be half the woman she is. 

Nana came to see Joey today. He is always pretty happy to see her unlike my dad. It was pretty nice to see Nana too. After all Thursday night we all got to hang out with Leslie. I spent the morning tossing together beef stew in the slow cooker. By the time we got back the house smelled amazing. There is something so comforting about food that feeds the soul. Thats what I most look forward to when fall rolls around. Warm, yummy dinners that feed your stomach and you heart. After a hearty bowl we whipped out our spontaneous and headed to Bunny's Frozen Custard where leslie had her first taste of amazing. 

28

That's how many inches it takes to grow out of your sleepers for the fourth time in less than six months. Those chunky thighs give way to feet that only a mother could love. The first time my grandmother laid eyes on those lengthy tooties she was quick to crack "that boy has good understanding" maybe so but he's growing like a weed. It's probably all those brownies. 

Summer love

Tomorrow will be fall. I can't recall much of my summer. Most of it was spent laying on our magic carpet entranced by the continuous motion of the celling fan. My first love has finally taken an interest in The Joe Man. They lock eyes from across the room and squeals of delight fill the air. After an early morning and a few stops in town the weather was to nice not to stroll in the yard. Shortly I will long for the warm breezes the ones that cary me to a personal euphoria, where the hammock and my head meet the smell of fresh cut grass and sunshine. The beans are ready for harvest, dried, crunchy and beautiful...

Here goes...

A new start. A place to hold all the moments from my day, the ones no one thinks about as they walk by. The moments everyone holds tight in their hand now and then, the ones that fly away. My baby sits up on his own, I feel like we just met and I have know him for an eternity. Those eyes, the ones that look right into the depths of my heart, I see them when I close my own.  My love, my rock, the one who keeps saying "everything will be ok," his arms made just for me. Our wild adventures, I laugh so hard I snort. It feels like sunshine on my face. I like to believe I am a photographer, a story teller, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a wife, a lover of sunshine and the rain. My life is what I make, nothing more nothing less. It is wonderfully dull.